just FYizzle...

i've moved to a few places:

jerseyinmyrearview.tumblr.com
twitter.com/track01

you'll probably find that i'm not quite as open and such on these as i've been on here.. something else is currently taking that space for me.. i may come back here and post things from time to time... i may ditch them all and come back here, who knows..

i'll leave you with a song.
cause i'm kind of in love with this girl right now:

There's a notification process that must be followed. If one does not follow this process, it isn't soon forgotten. When you're leaving you tell:

family->friends->everyone else

I've been avoiding telling everyone else because I hadn't told my closest friends. That was what went down tonight. I was quiet all night, not knowing quite what to say, not knowing if the indigestion was due to the predrinks meal or the aimless thoughts of remote futurity. But.. we've grown up together... these aren't friends, these are brothers. We're as much blood as any other. There were times that I felt hopelessly lost, sitting in the old wooden booth.. as much of the finish scratched off in name as is untouched... making crude jokes that I can only hope St. Peter's ignoring.. but really thinking about the long and winding road that lay ahead.

Alone into the alone.

That's what it feels like. Travelling alone into the certainty of alone. I've never done this before, I've never left the halo of love that has encapsulized the first twenty odd years of my life. Even as I left for college, my father was my soccer coach, I had friends from home in the dorm.. I had a roommate whom I immediately befriended. I don't see that happening here.

This is different. This is new. Not a smile in the city for me. I waiver between extremes with every thought... why am I doing this? why? because.. because at some point you have to leave what is comfortable behind and try for something.

For me, it's only a job. Thank Christ for that.

I've spent most of my life folding my hand, staying out of the game, losing blinds at hesitation. I'm getting fairly tired of it. There were lesser jobs with lesser risks, and that is the exact reason that I passed over them.

.

I don't remember what else I was going to talk about, but I guess it doesn't hurt to leave some for tomorrow.

.

oh, the real estate guy said "Let's make a deal we can live with" and i literally Laughed Out Loud. I think it offended him. whatever, that's a hilariously bad one liner. Funs are pun.